Pokemon WIIILD STYLEEE!
by amorikura
Summary: Basically, it's a funny version of Pokemon Emerald. I have nothing against Pokemon. I love it. It's just that I thought it was really funny when I made it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- A New Life?

(A/N- Okay, this is my first Fanfic so pleeeeease gimme tips and stuff.

In this Fanfic, you're the girl.)

BUMP BUMP BUMP! What is that! Is it a n00b? Is it Groundon? No! It's some new kid stuck inside a truck. The truck stops, and May, (You!) gets out of the truck. "JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE DRIVERS TODAY! MY **_GOD_**!" May goes inside to see her mother with a bunch of blue ugly Pokemon. "That goes over there. Oh, hello dear! Daddy bought you a new clock, so go set it." Says Mom. "Oo But Mom, you don't even use the freakin' time in this game!" "HUSH HUSH, BRAT. GO SET IT. NOW." And after Mom's hissy fit, May went upstairs to go set the clock. "Oh, that reminds me! I have a Potion in my PC!" May withdrew the Potion, and went downstairs to get snacks. "May! May! Your father is on TV!" May scrambled over to the TV. "…And that concludes our news bump on the new Gym Leader of Petalburg City." "Oh crap. I'm sorry, May, they were interviewing Daddy on TV." "Mom, you know what day it is…right? Today I turn 11!" "Right! And today you get your first Pokemon from Professor Insert tree name here!" May was so excited, she ran outside to go see Prof. Insert tree name here. But her mother stopped her. "Sweetie, go meet the neighbors first!" May nodded and went into the neighbor's house.

CAN'T YOU FUCKING KNOCK, YA BITCH? Oh, I'm sorry! You must be the new bitch, I mean kid. I like your hat. Brandon is upstairs so why dontcha go see him?" "Okay! Thanks, ugly lady!" May went upstairs and saw a Poke Ball. She went to grab it and then some kid in a Kabuto costume popped out of the closet. "AHHA! I N00 U WER A IMP0ZT3R! I W!LL K!CK UR NUTZ! Ohemgee I'm like soooo sorry. Yo, I'm Brandon. And some n00b has been stealing my shit. So yep! What's your name, hottie?" "Okay, don't call me that. And I'm May, nice to meet you." "Okay, May. Whisper: Hahahahahaha I rhymed. I'm going to go catch some Pokemon now, see ya." Brandon ran out the door and May followed him. He was too stupid to hear his dad yell for help. Professor Tree was being chased by some thingy! "MAY! QUICK! GRAB A POKE BALL!" May was confused, and grabbed Brandon's nuts. "WATCH IT!" "Oops! Sorreh!" May went into the bag and grabbed a Poke ball with a little fire symbol on it. "WHATEVERYOUARETHING COME OUT!" May cried, and a small chicken came out of the ball. "OKAY NOW KICK THE FUCK OUT OF THAT THINGY!". The chicken went over and threw up on the dog thingy and it ran away. "Good job, thingy!" The thingy chirped and it turned white. It got bigger and BIGGER AND BIIIGGGGEEEERRR until It was a huge chicken. "T-t-that was NOT supposed to happen until level 30something! BAD TORCHIC!" screamed Professor Somethingorotherbeginningwithatree. May took out a Pokedex and it said, "Blaziken. The 'WTF' Pokemon. Blahblahblah." Professor…uhh…something screamed. "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT! MAY, YOU SO SUCK RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE WAY AHEAD IN THE FREAKIN GAME!" May sighed. "I stole it from your lab." "Whatever. Just keep the Pokemon."

"YESS! I GOT A WHATCHAMACALLIT!" May laughed and danced with Sweety, her Blaziken.

The end of CH1.

Just a little note, Sweety is my friend's Blaziken. I loooove Pokemon Emerald. 33


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: WE'RE ON THE ROAD AGAIN?

(Ps. Comments and reviews are loved! This chapters gonna be funny.)

After a rude interruption by her mother, May received the Running Shoes. "Uhhh…I couldn't run with my regular shoes? That's kinda strange. And why do I have to press the B button? Where IS it?" (A/N She has no clue she's the star in a video game.) Seeing she had already gotten a Pokedex, she went off on her journey. On the way up to Oldale, she ran into some stupid bird looking thing. "Taillow? Eek. Go, Sweety! Use whatever the hell you want because I have no clue what you knoooooow!" Sweety basically burned the shiznit off dat birdizzle's nizzle so it sizzled. "Damn. I wanted that thing. But I don't have any Pokeballs. So I'll need to buy some. Come on, Sweety, you don't have to go into your Pokeball." Blaziken nodded and walked beside May. On their way to Oldale, May saw a lady. "Miss whats wrong?" "Dude…THAT'S A BIG ASS DUDE I LIKE SOOO FUVV YOU OHEMGEE DO YOU HAVE A MYSPACE? Oops. I meant to say…it was in the training video…oh yeah. _Hello. I work at a Pokemon Mart. Let me show you where it is. Here is a free sample._" May found herself in Oldale at the Market. "Okay…uhh…Sweety, stay out here and don't masturbate. FUCK." The door was locked. "Rawr. Uhhh…screw it." She gave up and ran beside Sweety and went up.

Brandon was kneeling beside the water. "Oh, hello Brandon! Do you see a Feebas or something?" "MAY! Uhh…no…actually…I'm taking a piss." ;;. "There's trees you know. Oh, how is that blue piece of l33t shit you have?" "Mudkip? He's in the Pokeball over there in my bag. Zip!" May let out the Mudkip. "KLGFKJFGKJLFDSKJLDGGJLKFDJSFDJSFJG:SFGJFLGMUDKIPMUDKIP." May was startled. "What did you do to it, you fucktard!" "I dunno! It came like that!" "Okay…" Bip bip bip! "Oh, my Pokegear is ringing. Hello? Brandon speaking." "BRANDON! COME BACK HOME QUICK!" "OKAY, DAD!" "MAY, YOU COME TOO!" "'KAY, PROFESSOR!" "Here, May, get on Mudkip!" May sat on the Mudkip. "I'll ride on Sweety instead." "OKAY!" Brandon took out a Pokeball. "GO, GRUMPIG!" A tall pig came out of the ball and he hopped on it. "TO LITTLEROOT, AWAAAAAI!" While they were running, Brandon started singing. "_Numa numa yay!_" "Brandon, shut up. GIDDYUP!"

When they reached the lab, the Professor was tied up in a knot. Literally. "Help! Someone stole my green thing!" "Your penis? Dad…..MAY is here." "NO, NOT MY PENIS YOU DUMBFUCK! MY GREEN POKEMON! Listen, I want you guys to work together to find it." "Okay Professor! Oh, May, this is turning out like Inuyasha! Two lovers on a search for…" May covered up Brandon's mouth. "Shut the fuck up and lets go." "Okay. Lets fly." ZOOM! They flew out of the lab. "WAIT! YOU IDIOTS FORGOT TO UNTIE ME! AND YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE FLY UNTIL YOU BEAT FLANNERY! I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU KIDS FOR SCREWING UP MY FUCKING GAME!"

The end of CH2.

(Hahaha, how'd you like the use of profanity? I looove it. Rate and comment! 33)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Man, I hate being a woman.

(A/N: Ohemgeee. Sorry I forgot to write more. School. /eyeroll)

May stopped in her tracks. "Dude." Brandon looked over at her. "What? What's wrong?" May squeezed her legs and looked through her fannypackwhatchamacallit. "DAMNIT." Brandon started gaping. "WHAT?!" May looked sadly at Brandon. She looked at Sweety. "I didn't pack tampons!" Brandon looked at her strangely. May hopped on Sweety. "Follow me." May led Brandon to a store. "It's called CVS." She went inside to find a Chansey. "CHDFFHFHXHCHXHHCHCANCHANCHCHANAGV Beep." The Chansey cocked its head and fell over. "GOD DAMNIT." A voice came out of nowhere. May looked around and saw a girl, she looked about 9. "Whoa, kid. Should you be using that language?" asked May. The girl looked up at May. "FYI, I'm in the 7th grade. I'm 12. Who are you?"

"Do you work here?"

"What does it matter to you? And I asked you a question!"

"I'm May! Who are you?"

"I'm Ash. And why the hell are you here, anyway?"

"It's a drugstore, dumbass. I came for Tampax. What's Ash short for? Ashley?"

"No. Just Ash! Are you calling me a GIRL?!"

"You're not a girl? Oo"

"I'm a GUY! Fucktard!"

Ash stroked the Chansey. He sighed. "It's a robot. It was supposed to greet you."

May shrugged. "That sucks. Why not get a real one?"

"Two words. Nurse Joy."

"Ugh. I know. She has ALL the Chansey."

Ash sighed again and bit his lip. "So…May…um…how old are you?"

May smiled. "I'm 13."

All of the sudden, Brandon bursted in. "IS IT THAT GOD DAMN HARD TO FIND A FUCKING BOX OF TAMPONS?!" Ash blinked and looked at May. "Uhm, is that your _boyfriend?_"

May and Brandon blinked and looked at eachother. Before May could say anything, Brandon exploded. "Yes, she's my GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!" May glared at him then smiled at Ash. "No, he's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy who lives nextdoor to me." Brandon started bawling. "Uhm…do you want me to show you where the tampons are…? If you're not comfortable…I could get my um…sister." Added Ash. May smiled at Ash. "You can show me." .

Brandon trailed behind May and Ash. They stopped at an aisle. "I'll be at the uhm…front desk…or whatever…cash register." Said Ash. May picked up some Tampax and headed to the cash register. Sweety came in the door and hit his head. "JFWKJDF;ELJGW;LEJGLR!!!!!!!" "EEEEEEEK! SWEETY!" May screeched. Sweety came up to the cash register with May. May paid, and they started walking out. "Wait! May!" Called Ash. "Can I um…go with you on your adventure?" May smiled and nodded. May, Brandon, and Ash, and Sweety walked out and went on their merry way.

Er…the next chapter will have more cursing. ;;;


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This is going to be romantic, watch out. There will still be cursing and WTF moments, but there's gonna be some fric-tioooon between people! 3333

Chapter 4: LOLOLOPOKEMONRANGERS!!

May growled. "I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT. FROM OLDALE TOWN, WE'RE IN SOME PLACE WITH RETARDED PEOPLE WHO NEED FAVORS?!!?" A/N: Pokemon Ranger? Some fat guy came out of nowhere chasing a girl with blue hair. A spinny top thing flew out of nowhere and went into Sweety's eye! "FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! GOD DAMNIT! WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK! MY FUCKING EYE! JESUS CHRIST! MY MOTHERFUCKING EYE IS PROBABLY FUCKING MISSING!" May, Ash, that fat guy, Brandon, and the blue haired girl started gaping. "O.M.G." Professor Tree Guy flew in on Lugia. "POKEMON CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING BADGES, AND YOU'RE 5 YEARS AHEAD IN THE WHOLE FUCKING POKEMON GAME SERIESSSSSSSS!" May blinked. "How did he find out where we were?"

The girl with blue hair invited the three to her base. "I'm a Pokemon Ranger. That was my Styler." Brandon cracked up. "AHHAHAHAA!!" May blinked again. "Brandon, what the fuck is wrong with you today? You've been like this since 6 in the fucking morning!" Brandon snorted. "Nothing, just thought of something funny. Hey, blue girl, what's your name?" The girl smiled. "Solana. Registered Pokemon Ranger, rank 10!" May shook hands with Solana and got up. "Nice to meet you, I'm May, this is Brandon, and the other boy is Ash." May whispered to Solana. "If you aren't busy, wanna join us? It's boring being with boys." Solana laughed and nodded. "Hey, let's hit the sack. I have a mission tomorrow morning. We can sleep under the stars in the forest!" Everyone nodded and went outside with sleeping bags and tents.

One the four reached the forest, they set up. "FUCK, WE HAVE TWO TENTS." Yelled May. Brandon got a look in his eyes and ran to May and attempted to kiss her. "Let's share a tent, ooh 3" May shook her head. "FUCK NO. RETARD. I'll share a tent with ASH." They started pitching tents when Ash finally realized what May said. "Wait, WHAT?!" Ash blushed deeply. May smiled and pointed at Brandon with her thumb. "He's probably going to rape me in my sleep if I share with him." Ash laughed and nodded. Brandon winked at Solana. Solana kicked him. "I'll sleep with you. Fine." Brandon grinned and Solana covered her mouth. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY! PERVERT!" Solana punched him and he started crying. Ash turned to May. "Should we go now?" May nodded sleepily and put on her iPod. Their tent looked really good. She unzipped the zipper.

A/N: Here comes the romance. If you wanted to know, May's listening to "The Walnut Tree" by Keane. It's a good song. It reminds me of sleeping under the stars with my boyfriend at my grandparents' grave down the shore, sleeping under that big weeping willow. Ahh, memories.

May sat in the tent listening to her iPod, doing a Pokemon crossword puzzle. "Hey, Ash, what's a three letter word for 'The girl who keeps fucking up my game!!!' Starts with 'M', ends with 'Y'." Ash tapped his finger to his chin. "Miy. Like 'Miyo'?" May shrugged and put it down. Ash got up. "I have to pee." He tripped over May's leg. He landed face to face with May. It was so cold, they could see each other's breath. Ash's heart beat fast. They both stood still, staring into each other's eyes. May leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, and Ash kissed her back. It only lasted a second. Ash got up, brushed himself off, and with his face looking like a cherry, he went outside like nothing had happened.

A/N: Leaves you wondering, "Well, are they going to do anything? D:" Maybe. Next time:D.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 : Stuck in Pokemon Purgatory

"Hoenn sucks. Let's leave." May said as she walked through the doors of the Pokemon League. She breezed by all the Elite Four, without battling them, and walked straight past the champion. Nobody seemed to care, they were just stupid kids. The kids reached the machine where you put your pokeballs on to record something, then May put her pokeballs on it. Nothing happened. She kicked the machine. "STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!" She screamed. The machine started rumbling.

"Corphish, corphish." said the machine. The kids blinked, confused, and they all started kicking the machine. "YOU GUYS ARE RETARDED! STOP KICKING ME! OW, MY KNEECAP!" the machine started screaming. Then with a bang, the machine blew up, and made the "Heal pokemon" noise. [It's like dum dum dumdumdee!. May shrieked with fear as a black hole opened up and they were all sucked in one by one, as if they were weightless.

"AHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!" Ash screamed as they were flung into a black and white pixel screen. Ash kicked the floor. "WTF? Where the hell are we?" she asked as shse looked around. Brandon blinked. "We broke the game. We're stuck in the title screen." Ash started crying. "WE'RE GONNA BE STUCK HERE FOREVER, JUST CUZ WE GAMESHARKED! GOD DAMNIT!" May stepped into the conversation. "Maybe if we just sit here, we'll die of starvation, and we'll be reincarnated in Sinnoh." The others shrugged, and sat down, staring into space.

"BWAHAHAHAH! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!" yelled a voice out of nowhere. They all looked around. Then, Professor Tree appeared. "I AM OZ!!!!!!!!" he screamed. They shook their heads. "Yes I am." They shook their heads again. "I AM!!" They shook their heads again. The Professor sighed. "See, children? This is what happens if you Gameshark. You get fucked. This is what you deserve. I'm gonna eat some food in front of you now." The professor took out some ice cream and rubbed it all over his fat lardy body, making moaning noises. "YOU'RE ORGASMING WHILE WE'RE STARVING?! Brandon, restart the game." Brandon said some words in Macchu Picchuin [wtf? and they were all transferred to a new room.

"Where are we now?" May asked. Ash tapped on the glass. "...dude...WE'RE STUCK INSIDE SOME 13 YEAR OLD KID'S GAME!" The team screamed with fright, and Hannah laughed and laughed. She tapped her stylus on the kids. "BWAHAHA, I DIDN'T KNOW THIS GAME CAME WITH LITTLE PEOPLES! Woo!" She laughed evily again, and that was the end of our...heroes?

[Stay tuned, viewers, I'll be uploading a new story soon. ;D


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